Chapter Four - Unplanned Consequences

"Well, well. If it isn't the erstwhile Doctor Steve. And what, pray tell, makes you think you and whoever this we is can thwart me without ending up as dead as this phone conversation?"
Chad threw the telephone to the floor in obvious disgust.
"Talent and dedication is what will thwart you", said the ninja as he materialised from beside the drinks cabinet.
"Ah" said Chad, "this is getting interesting. I didn't think Steve would be enough of a scientist to tackle me alone. Is it true that you have a fine collection of Victorian codpieces?"
"Yes. My collection of antique posing pouches is second to none."
"And is it also true that you model them personally down at the Shaven Sailor nightclub on the waterfront?"
"How did...NO! It isn't true!" yelled the ninja angrily.
Chad was quickly gaining the upperhand in this linguistic battle.

"Enough of this banter" called out the scientist. "We are here to see you thwarted, not to cast aspersions upon people's late-night proclivities."
"Whether true, or fanciful fabrications" he added, after catching a glance from the ninja.

"So, Chad, I think it's time for you to hit the lights."
Chad looked bewildered at this statement, until Frank spat the lightbulb into the back of his head.

"Dammit. I should have known your flea-brained butler would be around here somewhere" snarled Chad as he stumbled forward, brushing broken glass from his hair.
"But it'll take more than you three sweaty baconballs to beat me!"
A quick kick to the groin put Frank on the floor and Chad leapt sideways towards a rack of equipment. What might look like beakers of highly concentrated hydrochloric acid and 300,000 volt electrical gear to the layman can become deadly weapons in the hands of a trained scientist.
At this point the fight began in earnest.
The ninja threw a tight group of shuriken towards Chad's head, expecting an easy kill. As they approached the target, however, a large bolt of electricity flew from the reflective dome of a nearby tesla coil and vapourised them in midair.
"It'll take more than that, you pajama-clad pervert" yelled Chad as he tossed a few vials of acid.
The ninja was, of course, too quick to be nailed by a simple projectile and the vials smashed against a wardrobe. The acid hissed and spat noisily on the timber.
Frank used this opportunity to roll behind a table and wipe the tears from his eyes. He also blew his nose on the curtains, just out of spite.
The scientist took a modified remote control out of his breast pocket and aimed it at Chad. Two beakers next to Chad exploded as a cloud of black smoke billowed from the remote.
"Dammit, only one shot out of it. I must have miscalibrated the transphase diodes."
The scientist threw the remote at Chad in disgust.

"Just as thoroughly tested as all your inventions, I see" scoffed Chad. "You might want to check out the repulsor beam I made."
Chad threw a large switch and a wide purple beam engulfed both the scientist and the ninja. Frank was behind cover, rummaging through a bag for suitable weapons, so was not affected.
The other two, though, were picked up by the beam and thrown forcefully against the far wall. The ninja was tossed hard against the wardrobe but luckily the acid had already neutralised. The weakened timbers broke his fall somewhat and he managed to roll to his feet.
The scientist was not so lucky, and landed upside down with his foot wedged into a stair railing. He was stunned, and numerous items fell from his upturned pockets.
"Urrrrgh!" yelled Frank, brandishing a balloon filled with a dark green fluid. He hurled it at Chad, who quickly dived to avoid it. It exploded right next to him, though, and fluid splashed onto his shoulder.
"What? Not even acid?" questioned Chad, noting that the fluid wasn't eating into his clothing. "What kind of....arrrrrrgh!"
The aroma of Frank's urine had finally reached his nose.
Chad lost the will to fight for a moment, as he was instead fighting the urge to vomit.
"Arrrgh - I think I can taste it!" he yelled, before puking explosively over the rug.
As Frank laughed uproariously, the ninja took this opportunity to throw a small chest of drawers. It hit Chad squarely across the shoulders and smashed to pieces.
Chad was driven to the floor, but managed to stay on his knees. He wiped vomit from his face and leaned heavily against a table.
The ninja took this opportunity to throw another barrage of shuriken. This time they found their mark, and two of them tore into his chest and one in the side of his head.

Meanwhile, the scientist had extricated himself from the railing. Looking for a decent weapon, he had investigated the wrecked wardrobe that had broken the ninja's fall earlier. What he found was incredible beyond belief.
"Oh my god!" exclaimed the scientist. He turned to face Chad and pointed back to the wardrobe. "If that's Chad in there, then who the hell are you?"

Time stood still. Through some unknown agreement on an almost telepathic level, all fighting stopped for the moment. This was probably a similar situation to the ones you see on TV where people end up pointing guns at each other's heads all of a sudden. Why neither party fire is a total mystery.

"Ah, " said Chad. "I see you have found my little secret. Chad was such a clever fellow, with access to all manner of awesome equipment. He also had loads of cash, which was ideal for my purposes."

Whilst saying this, "Chad" got to his feet. He reached to his chest with one hand and the side of his head with the other, pulling out the shuriken that had stuck there.

"You see, I'm not really Chad Spankett at all. I am, in fact..."
At this point he grasped the torn flesh around his wounds and ripped it away, revealing new, untouched skin below.

"Adolf Hitler!"